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i · am · not · superwoman.


merely a degenerate imitation.

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it's hard living your life on the knife's edge.
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computers marginally infected with spyware: 1
cars wth engines about to explode: 1
dysfunctional yet satisfying long-term relationships: 1
nights a week i eat with my parents: 3
postings on overheardintheoffice.com: 1

damn...

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it CAN'T be bad to feel like i do
except for it's spiraling out of control
(and i hate not having that crucial control)

it's been like this so long
why can't it be different sometime?

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i am so sad
90% of the time
and i hope for something different
but the truth is,

you're too much of a good thing
and i'm hooked

what happened to me
and what happened to our morals?
what happened to letting go
and letting the coals smoulder til they were black again?

a year - a year and a half
funny how fast the time flies
when you're fucking up everything you have
and all for being in love

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revelations:

i have friends and it's wonderful

things are good n' busy but good is good and i'll take it anyday over bad

fucking bitch though. so much to do - so little time. the entire "LIFE CHANGE" is ridiculous in its own right....

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i spent 75% of my lunch hour crying at the grave of my cousin, who committed suicide over 10 years ago. it is a beautiful day. i wish i was still there.

now i am left wondering why...if you can't eat a hot pocket with your hands, where's the value? doesn't the value lie in the fact that it is a "portable" food? mmmm. lunch.

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I thought I had a great love - so great it drove me to write
and this love, it gave me black eyes just out of rage and spite
it cultivated for me a massive crop of bruises
and taught me she who wins a heart almost always loses.
but I still follow all the brightest lights
thinking they are comforting for I am full of fright
the lights shimmer and dance - I'm hypnotized
to bask in their brilliance, I'd give up my pride
and always, I do - they should call me a doormat
put on your workboots and I'll just lie flat
I'll never learn - despite permanent damage
Poor judgement's not a trait that's easy to manage.
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conclusion:

i am an awful, horrible, soulless person whose conscience abandoned her long ago. who thinks she can love passionately, but is it passion if it's hurting a lot of people around her?

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stolen from emilybeingemily

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i'm depressed and broke.

hard to do anything about either one if i don't want to change.

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